Signs of Abuse

It can be hard to know if you're being abused. You may think that your partner is allowed to make you have sex. That's not true. Forced sex is rape, no matter who does it. You may think that cruel or threatening words are not abuse. They are. And emotional abuse may be a sign that a person will become physically violent.

Below is a list of possible signs of abuse. Some of these are illegal. All of them are wrong. You may be abused if your partner does any of the actions below. If you think someone is abusing you, get help. Abuse can have serious physical and emotional effects. No one has the right to hurt you.
  • Monitors what you're doing all the time
  • Unfairly accuses you of being unfaithful all the time
  • Prevents or discourages you from seeing friends or family
  • Prevents or discourages you from going to work or school
  • Gets very angry during and after drinking alcohol or using drugs
  • Controls how you spend your money
  • Controls your use of needed medicines
  • Decides things for you that you should be allowed to decide (like what to wear or eat)
  • Humiliates you in front of others
  • Destroys your property or things that you care about
  • Threatens to hurt you, the children, or pets
  • Hurts you (by hitting, beating, pushing, shoving, punching, slapping, kicking, or biting)
  • Uses (or threatens to use) a weapon against you
  • Forces you to have sex against your will
  • Controls your birth control or insists that you get pregnant
  • Blames you for his or her violent outbursts
  • Threatens to harm himself or herself when upset with you
  • Says things like, "If I can't have you then no one can."

Healthy vs. Unhealthy Relationships

Sometimes a relationship might not be abusive, but it might have some serious problems that make it unhealthy. If you think you might be in an unhealthy relationship, you should be able to talk to your partner about your concerns. If you feel like you can't talk to your partner, try talking to a trusted friend, family member, or counselor. Consider calling a confidential hotline (like ours!) to get the support you need and to explore next steps. If you're afraid to end the relationship, need advice, crisis counseling, or just want to talk about your situation, call the WCST crisis hotline at 479-9349 any time, or call and make an appointment with an advocate. Remember - you deserve to be treated with respect. 
Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship: 
  • Focusing all your energy on your partner
  • Dropping friends and family or activities you enjoy
  • Feeling pressured or controlled often
  • Having more bad times in the relationship than good
  • Feeling sad or scared when with your partner
  • Being afraid for the safety or well-being of your children or pets
Signs of a Healthy Relationship:
  • Having more good times in the relationship than bad
  • Having a life outside the relationship, with your own friends and activities
  • Making decisions together, with each partner compromising at times
  • Dealing with conflicts by talking honestly
  • Feeling comfortable and able to be yourself
  • Feeling able to take care of yourself
  • Feeling like your partner supports you

Safety Planning and Leaving an Abuser

Making the decision to leave an abuser is never easy, but you are not alone or without support. Women's Crisis Support Team can help you plan a safe way to leave your abuser or any other step in the process.

Identifying Support: Many abusers isolate their victims geographically and socially. As a result, many victims have lost their support system. Developing a support network can be very helpful when planning for your safety. There are many people and places to turn to for help. Some are listed here: friends, domestic and sexual violence hotline, family, women's support groups, faith communities, counselors, and anyone else. Think about the following questions when asking for support: How have these people helped me in the past? How might they help me now? 

Survival Needs: Do you have...

A place to live or a safe place to go? We have a safe shelter.

Money or a way to get money? You may be eligible for an emergency grant from Department of Human Services Self-Sufficiency Program.

Transportation or a way to leave? We can transport you from a public place to the shelter and we have bus tickets available for our shelter residents.

Food or a way to get food? You may be eligible for emergency food stamps from Department of Human Services and we have a list of places to get a food box.

If needed, safe and reliable child care? You may be eligible for emergency child care through Community Action Agency. 

What to Take if You Leave: 
If you have time, you may want to take the following items:
  • Identification: Driver's license, social security cards for you and your children, work permit, green card, passport
  • Money: checkbooks, credit/debit cards
  • House and car keys
  • Medications
  • Address book
  • Change of clothes
The following papers are easily replaceable:
  • Birth certificate (at the county courthouse)
  • Restraining order, stalking order, divorce papers, custody order (also at the county courthouse)
  • Insurance papers (at your agent's office)
  • Lease (at your landlord's office)
  • Medical records (at your doctor's office)
Remember, it is okay if you forget something you need. Your support system may be able to help you replace things you need. You can also call the hotline to find out how to get certain items. Women's Crisis Support Team is available to you at every step in the process of leaving your abuser. Call our 24/7 crisis hotline at (541) 479-9349 to talk to an advocate or to make an appointment. You are not alone. We are here for you. 

Some information on this page taken from womenshealth.gov.